As a disabled Dominatrix, 1 I use a cane not only to produce satisfying sensations for submissives and clients but also to help me move and access the world in ways that, without it, would be a struggle. Many sex workers experience some form of disability, yet very few accounts of sex workers are published, and even fewer regarding sex workers who have a disability. This paper discusses perspectives I have gained working as a disabled Professional Dominatrix, focusing on relationships between mobility aids and sex tech, (in)access to medical support, and giving, receiving, and mediating different forms of pain. I discuss common questions people ask, the barriers I have experienced, and access to medical support as a sex worker.

I have multiple disabilities, like many with chronic illnesses. I seem to collect more as I age. The primary ones that affect my mobility are Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) 2, periodic fever, arthritis, hip dysplasia, spinal damage, and spinal cord damage. With EDS, I am highly symptomatic and live daily with full dislocations and injuries, triggering chronic pain from damaged tissue and nerves. I was born with many of my conditions. They are genetic and are my normal. However, it took many years to be diagnosed; some went unnoticed until recently, when the damage was too late to fix. I started in the adult industry years before I was fully aware I was disabled. Instead, I attended appointments as a medical mystery and dealt with long periods of medical investigation prior to diagnoses. Medical Mystery is used by many UK-based healthcare providers and professionals when they can't fully understand someone's symptoms and test results. Doctors often told me I wasn't old enough for a particular illness. Disability has no age, but medical professionals will tell you it does.

One reason I was probably drawn to sex work was that it was apparent my body and mind couldn't handle a standard 9 to 5 job. Many traditional jobs have strict rules about taking breaks and expectations to stay standing or seated for long periods, which doesn't allow for proper management of many health conditions. I wanted to train as a sex researcher and therapist from my late teens, but such education was not possible due to my limitations in funds and energy. The adult industry has provided both funds and energy for me to pursue this dream, and whilst I go through phases of missed work due to flare-ups, I am slowly reaching my goals.

I argue that the first-hand experiences of disabled dommes reveal critical insights into understanding: 1) the fluidity of human sexuality and how sexual ableism shapes understandings of sexuality, 2) disability and orgasm, 3) ableism and lifestyle and professional events, 4) adaptive equipment and sexual aids available in the BDSM scene and dungeon, 5) healthcare and the treatment towards sex workers working as pro-dommes, and 6) the right for consensual sexual gratification, disability, and to work as a female Dominatrix.

Background

A Dominatrix is a person, often a woman (but they can be any gender), who in BDSM controls the relationship dynamic at the time. This can be in a personal relationship or a service-providing relationship. Danielle Lindemann (2010) defines professional dominatrices (pro-dommes) as:

Women who receive money to physically and verbally dominate male clients (whom they call "submissives," "subs," or "slaves") through spanking, flogging, verbal humiliation, bondage, cross-dressing, and other tactics. It should be emphasized that although the interaction is erotic in nature, pro-dommes are not prostitutes-intercourse, oral sex, or manual gratification are rarely components of the exchange (588).

This definition opens up a debate about whether or not dominatrices are sex workers or if they are an entirely different type of service provider. However, much of the existing research on sex work classifies pro-domme work as erotic labor (Lindemann 2010, 2012; Levey and Pinsky 2015; Pinsky and Levey 2015; Levey 2018; Hester et al. 2019). For example, Hester et al. (2019) recognized fourteen forms of sex work and labeled those who provide services under BDSM, kink, and fetish as sex workers.

Unfortunately, many academic and mainstream definitions of a dominatrix miss the diversity of people who practice this work. The Oxford dictionary, for example, defines a dominatrix as "A dominating woman, especially one who takes the sadistic role in sadomasochistic sexual activities." This definition, like many, is outdated, using a gender binary and furthering the idea that all dommes are ciswomen. Such definitions erase the trans and non-binary mistresses working professionally online and offline. Moreover, this particular definition focuses on sadism only. Many service providers take charge of the situation, and sadism never enters their sessions. Take a pro-domme who role-plays as a Mommy Domme. In these scenes, often, there is a caring element that the domme uses to gain control. Not all submissives are masochists. A pro-domme might control their submissives by splashing food and other items over them, appealing to their desire for sensation play. These individuals seek stimulation from the various delights foods and liquids can excite. As a final example, during pet play, where one person roleplays an animal such as a puppy, and the dominatrix holds the pet owner's role, the pro-domme is not engaged in "sadomasochistic sexual activities." One reason many past studies have only looked at cis women being dominatrices is that the word dominatrix is a gendered noun for a female ruler. It has typically been used to refer to only cis women who take a dominant role in BDSM relations, thus erasing the gender diversity of practitioners. Often the focus has been on the sadomasochistic aspects, rendering invisible those who offer a more caring style of control and those who prefer activities such as sensation play that do not necessarily have a sadistic element. I use the term dominatrix within this paper to refer to cis women, trans women, and non-binary who identify with this term to reflect the ever-growing diversity and fluidity of the field of professional domination. Men and masculine of centre people who engage in the dominant role are regularly referred to as Doms, a shortened version of dominant.

Many mainstream and academic definitions of "dominatrix" and depictions of pro-domme work are highly problematic because dominatrices have not written them. These definitions rarely echo lived experiences. Those with first-hand experience providing these services can offer insights into these complex terms and experiences. While there is much academic writing about pro-dommes, much of it is based on interviews with dominatrices. There have been few autoethnographic accounts from writers with first-hand experiences. Therefore, this essay fills a much-needed gap in research and writing about dominatrices. Further, in this essay, instead of drawing from the academic literature only, I also utilize the insights of other sex workers (O'Nomis 2013; Sloan 2015; Mac and Smith 2018).

Method: Autoethnography

Autoethnography is a research method where the author uses personal experience and narrative as data. Doing so can reveal insights unknown to "outsiders" and uncover vital information about subcultures, institutions, and social phenomena. Anthropologist David Hayano (1979) has argued that autoethnography is a researcher's use of ethnography to study their "own people"(99). Carol Ellis and Arthur P. Bochner (2000) define autoethnography as "an autobiographical genre of writing and research that displays multiple layers of consciousness, connecting the personal to the cultural (739)." I use autoethnography and first-hand expert knowledge to expand public knowledge and understanding of disability and sex work.

Dominatrix work is something I have much experience in personally and professionally. I have been moving between different areas of the adult industry since my late teens. For various reasons, I happily float between various sectors, including professional domming, adult sex toys, erotic fiction, sex and relationship guides, sex coaching, sex education, camming, and even escorting. The adult industry is my home and has been the most supportive regarding flexibility and disability. It is an area where I can use the diverse skill sets I have learned throughout my life without the many restrictions and judgments that can be found in mainstream labour.

I am writing from the perspective of an individual dominatrix and sex worker. I cannot speak for all adult industry workers as we all have different backgrounds and motivations for entering the industry. Our skills and how we use them are incredibly varied. Both dominatrices and those within the disabled community are sexual individuals in their own unique way. I am a disabled dominatrix who has her own sexual likes and dislikes, my own fetishes and kinks, and different levels of romantic and intimate connection with others. Therefore, while I use my personal experience in this article, my goal is not to make broad generalizations regarding all pro-dommes. Instead, I use an autoethnography of sex work to expand public understanding of sexuality and disability and disrupt ableist discourses of sexuality.

Welcome to Pro-Domme Work: Pro-Domme Labor, Disability, and Access

My work as a dominatrix varies, both in session content and location. Events will often have their own rules or scripts about the types of play allowed at them. Some of this is due to the venue rules and restrictions. Other restrictions will apply based on what type of fetish and kink the event showcases. So, for a human pony event, I am seated in a carriage – some of those have better suspension than many standard wheelchairs - with a whip in hand and pulled along a track by a person dressed in BDSM gear that makes them resemble a horse. The relationship between the people involved is a roleplay of equestrian life, but often with a touch of sadism: to get your horse to go faster, pull heavier loads, or bind weights onto them to push their limits but also train them for the future.

Then there are FemDom events, kink events with play, and high teas. Female-led events might include clothed women served by silent naked men who are not allowed to even gaze upon the women but still offer valuable services such as pouring drinks. As pointed out in previous research, the relationship between dominatrix and client deviates from traditional heteronormative relationships and expectations that many other forms of sex work may include. A dominatrix's "work does not require the use of 'strategic flirting,' like exotic dancers, to make male clients feel desired and important" (Pinsky and Levey 2015,440). This becomes very important and noticeable when attending BDSM events as a professional dominatrix with a submissive. Some events are play focused where lifestyle and professional individuals interested in BDSM may have pre-booked for a dungeon party or pegging event; some may be simple drinks and conversation. Some events follow a similar system to the hankey code that first rose in popularity in the 1970s. Many events vary in accessibility; while most are now wheelchair accessible, others still have stairs or other impediments and are seeking ways to make things more accessible. When it comes to dominatrix-style events, including ones I have been a house mistress at, intercourse between domme and sub is rare. You may see facesitting, forced bi, and pegging, but actual penile to vaginal intercourse seems to be very seldom. Many paying submissive clients are those with penises. However, not all identify as cisgender, and when in a paid session, they may divert away from their socially known gender preferences and identity and explore roles that are more non-binary. That is not to say that there are no specific limits to what can happen; many types of events offer different experiences and opportunities. Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey writes about her many experiences of BDSM events in her memoir, including some events where intercourse was part of the show (Bisbey 2020). Usually, I attend female-led and FemDom events, and I am sure there are significant differences between event types and codes of conduct. Many events are important when developing a successful professional dominatrix career. Thus, finding events that fit not only an individual's niche but also their disability needs are critical.

A study by Julie Fennell (2021) on sex and the BDSM subculture found that of those involved in the BDSM scene, 61% of people found the experience mostly sexual, and 35% engaged in no kinky sex and focused on the non-sexual side to BDSM, while up to 4% of individuals could relate to it being both. However, of those with minimal involvement in the BDSM scene, 83 in the study said that BDSM was more sex-focused, while 14% of individuals saw it as non-sexual, with 2% seeing it as both sexual and non-sexual (11, 12). In my experience, this study is pretty accurate regarding the distribution of views about BDSM as a sexual or nonsexual practice. When I have experienced UK munches (easy-to-access events often for beginners), I have seen many people walk into them openly seeking someone to connect with sexually. However, when I dive deeper into events that are classed for extreme players, there are more elements of psychological fulfillment and sadomasochist compatibility.

Different events can offer different fulfillment as well as being a great way to gain a more verified status within the scene. Attending events and working with other Mistresses can be key to a successful business. Professional domination takes sexual entrepreneurship to a new level. It is already slowly becoming acceptable for women and non-binary individuals to deviate from the patriarchal expectations of acceptable employment for women, where many can take control of their own sexualities and bodies for their own financial gain and benefit without the control of men. "This new femininity" constitutes a hybrid of discourses of sexual freedom for women, intimately entangled with attempts to recuperate this to (male-dominated) consumer capitalism" (Harvey and Gill 2011, 52) These women, like myself, participate in consumer capitalism even as the services and content we create become focused on our desires rather than men's. To be successful as a professional dominatrix, you also must employ multiple entrepreneurial skills such as social media and networking. As Harvey and Gill (2011) note, "she can be seen in magazine sex advice, in advertising, and across social networking sites" (52). While the time in session is much less when compared to standard 9 to 5 employment, pro-domming requires work outside of sessions to build up my business and customer base using the methods noted above. Events and social media can be important places to show off expertise, network with other providers, and find potential clients. When I first entered the adult industry, I found a few other providers that I could trust, I thought it was a competitive career, but I have found that you can find the right people you can connect with and form not only beneficial business relationships but also form personal friendships. Like any other successful business, collaborating with others is helpful in commercial sex work, such as professional domination.

I have found that whilst munches and beginner clubs can have more disabled individuals attending them due to being free or inexpensive, these events can be more stigmatizing for those with visible disabilities. Whereas, when attending a paid high protocol event (high protocol events have high expectations and standards you are expected to follow when attending, often, there will be listed rules), I have found more acceptance of visibly disabled bodies. At these events, the focus is on learning about who I am as a person rather than stigmatizing me for needing extra support or the need for mobility aids, for example, as I walk the dance floor from my seating to the dungeon play area with a walking stick. UK brothel and sex work laws and laws such as FOSTA/SESTA in the US can make networking and collaboration harder and sometimes lead to doubt about what is legally acceptable when trying to expand and grow as a professional dominatrix. I am certain professionals would be more relaxed and safer if these restrictions were not in place.

There are benefits to attending events and being a disabled dominatrix, as there often is at least one submissive who wants to help. Some will even have a particular kink for being a piece of human furniture, so they will quickly form a position on all fours to offer their back as a supportive bench. At some events, you can also find yourself a submissive willing to fetch drinks, hold floggers, and simply be useful. This is not special treatment for being a disabled dominatrix; this is special treatment for simply being a dominatrix. If these things were to happen at everyday events for vanilla individuals (people who do not engage in kink or BDSM), it might be seen as performing something helpful out of pity or that the individual playing the helping role has lost their autonomy. At BDSM events, the submissives will see to their domme's needs, including being human furniture and fetching items for non-visibly disabled dominatrices. It helps you feel more normal and like you are there as an individual, not as a disabled individual.

Generally, free or cheap events may seem accessible, particularly to those from marginalized groups where income may be limited. However, due to the lack of rules and protocols that attendees must follow, can lead to stigma and discrimination. Preston "Wexx" is the first Asian international fetish titleholder and the first Mr. International Rubber (MIR) of color. Wexx also noticed that marginalized groups were underrepresented within the kink and fetish community, particularly at events. Underrepresentation can also make events feel less safe for those with marginalized identities to engage in kink and BDSM. Preston "Wexx" noted that events that offered protocols and rules that attendees must follow were often safer for those within marginalized groups. He also highlights that events with such standards are often paid events rather than beginner-free events or cheap ticket events. He designed an assessment guide for fetish and kink events and vendors to help see where they need to improve accessibility. This guide can also be used for those looking to attend accessible, less stigmatizing, and less discriminatory events. This guide is not just for those with disabilities but also covers other underrepresented minorities. "My Spend Guide evaluates and identifies kink events and fetish vendors that may or may not practice, preach, and promote antiracism, inclusion, equitable representation, and safety. [It was] designed it primarily for [Preston Wexx's personal use], but it may be useful for Black, Indigenous, and people of colour (BIPOC); trans, non-binary, and gender non-conforming folx; women; disabled people; and other marginalized folx. Use [this] handy guide to inform how and where you spend your hard-earned money" (Wex 2020; par. 1). The guide utilizes a ranking system in several areas to judge whether or not a particular event offers an inclusive space. Not only does it investigate reports of past incidents, but it also highlights if a particular event has set protocols for dealing with issues if and when they arise. This is the kind of information event organizers should be providing to all attendees, which would help make kink and fetish events more inclusive as well as more fun and accessible (Spend Guide).

Disrupting Ableist Discourses of Sexuality

Popular culture discourse often erases the sexual desires and needs of disabled people. Compulsory able-bodiedness shapes our understanding of sexual capital, causing others to see disabled people as desexualized (McRuer and Mollow 2012; Gill 2015; Erickson 2015). A critical disability lens can help us examine what the world views as sexual and what it classes as non-sexual. Experiences of disabled pro-dommes push back on ableist notions of human sexuality and desire.

An ableist framing of sexuality suggests that sex is for and about people who are pain-free, comfortable, happy, fit, and conventionally attractive, and have genitals that get hard/wet and are orgasmic and responsive on-demand. Further, ableist sexual discourses position only people who are able-bodied as able to have "real" sex, experience love, or be kinky. In Stefani Goerlich's (2021) book The Leather Couch, she analyses ableist notions of BDSM and sexuality. She states that many individuals will fall into the category of disabled at some point in their life. This means that if we were to follow the ableist equation above, most people would be classed as those unable to love, have sex, and fulfill relationship goals at some point in their lifetime. The ableist equation also does not factor in concordance or non-concordance (concordance is when the body responds to sexual stimulation with physical signs such as lubrication and erection, non-concordance is when people engage in sex, but these responses may not happen), and the many reasons why individuals may not experience physical arousal (sometimes it is as simple as being tired!).

Conclusion

All of my experiences as a disabled domme disrupt tired ableist stereotypes. Ableism plays a large part in the shaping of what is sexually acceptable. BDSM can offer an area of sexual expression against societally imposed sexual norms. In pro-domming patriarchal and heterosexual norms are often challenged, for example, expanding notions of sexual gratification and challenging the assumption that the ability to orgasm is the end goal for fulfilling sexual satisfaction. Moreover, as a disabled pro-domme, I challenge what is considered sexual and erotic as I discover new forms of embodiment to explore and enjoy.

Accessibility at professional and lifestyle erotic events is slowly improving, yet these improvements are still very slow. While improvements are needed at events to make them fully accessible, as seen with the Spend Guide, BDSM-related lifestyle and BDSM-related session socials still seem more accessible than other forms of sex-related events. Equipment within dungeons used during BDSM sessions is more accessible than many commercial sex toys, allowing those with disabilities, including myself, to find easier-to-use items. There is still a large gap in sex toys that need to be addressed by larger companies to make their products more accessible and enjoyable to those with disabilities. The benefits of different roles that submissives can fulfill for a pro-domme can help not only the submissive explore areas of their sexual wellbeing. However, they can also help a dominatrix with disabilities explore their sexual needs and wants in a consensual way that is not always accessible in vanilla lifestyle situations. Larger commercial sex tech companies have much to learn from smaller indie sex toys and BDSM equipment vendors when making truly accessible sex toys. Some items in the BDSM scene and dungeons could be altered to cater to those not seeking fetish gear, making them useful as accessible vanilla sex devices.

Healthcare providers need to learn how to be empathetic without stigma, and from the looks of things, this area has only changed slightly over the years. Sex workers require input and support from health professionals, which is still sorely lacking. Access to support healthcare providers is still rare, and many would benefit from more training around sex work and BDSM practises. Many providers would benefit from hearing and listening to sex workers and professional dominatrices' stories rather than trying to overwrite them. Whilst some providers accept it as a form of work, many still do not understand that sex work, and professional domming is a form of consensual and (in some places, legal) labour. More education regarding sex workers and dominatrices would help bring in more accessible healthcare. Equity is a must, where inclusion and an intersectional understanding of needs are the norms, not the exception.

Within the sex industry, whorearchical expectations of what a dominatrix is allowed or not allowed to do to maintain their sex worker status add additional stigma that needs addressing. The only way for these things to change is for more pro-dommes to speak about their wants and needs rather than only talking about what they think other people expect of them. Even though pro-domming allows for more authenticity than some other forms of sex work, there are still many assumptions about and expectations for what it is acceptable for a woman to enjoy sexually. More people must be willing to talk about what they want and like without societal stigmas to challenge and dismantle these expectations broadly.

BDSM deviates from popularized and dominant ideas about sexual pleasure and human sexuality. The ableist framing of sexuality and popularized views of sexual pleasure show how sexual ableism and heteronormative views are still ripe in the world, even when there is more awareness around alternative sexualities, sexual practises, and disability.

Many individuals will experience a range of functions in their ability to experience sexual pleasure and orgasm over their lifetime. Sexual pleasure is still primarily focused on orgasm, and there is still much need for education on alternative forms of sexual pleasure that are not orgasm-focused, particularly when thinking about disability.

Larger commercial sex tech companies have much to learn from smaller indie sex toys and BDSM equipment vendors when making genuinely accessible sex toys. Some items in the BDSM scene and dungeons could be altered to cater to those not seeking fetish-appearing items, using them as accessible vanilla sex devices. In part, it is all how something has been marketed that makes an item feel accepted to a particular person's sexual and sexuality needs. Many BDSM items can cross over into vanilla sexual play, leaving BDSM behind if done correctly.

More research is also needed on chronic pain and BDSM, particularly considering the individual voices and perspectives of sex workers. More information is needed on disabled sex workers and a greater look into how those who are into BDSM are not desexualized and how those with disabilities are not all asexual. From my experience, I have found dominatrix work to be physically accessible with devices of the trade equipped for my disabilities. In contrast, others may have different experiences depending on their disability needs. For me, disability was not the main factor in my choice to become a dominatrix. However, for others, I can see it being more accessible than navigating other forms of work that may limit the time needed to care for their disability. In saying that, it is obvious to me that even if someone adopts a professional dominatrix persona during their professional sex worker life, that persona can be there as a part of making a living rather than a way for them to manage their career or parts of their private personal life crossing over. Some may define themselves as a lifestyle as well as professional BDSM practitioners. However, at the end of the day, professional dominatrix work is just a job option some individuals with disabilities may try to make ends meet. Just like other jobs, what happens at work can simply stay at work.